Monday, March 31, 2008

Make this a short one

I'm coming back to the surface..slowly but surely.

This stupid virus has really held me down. On top of the fever, chest cold and all that goes with that I've injured my back. This time it's pretty bad. I can sit and lie down but walking is tough and getting from one position to another is next to impossible. I'll be heading back to bed here in a bit. The rest will help my back heal as well as kick the last of this virus out of me.

I've been eating mostly fruit and veggies on the weekend. Had next to no appetite.

Tomorrow I'll write more....

edited to add:

today's stats: 213.6 (this makes me very happy) That's a loss of 4.2 since the 17th March.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

At the end of the day

It's the end of the day and I am done! I've just arrived home from my evening rehearsals and my body is telling me it's time.

At the end of the day, I've worked

At the end of the day, I've smiled

At the end of the day, I have encouraged friends

At the end of the day, I have prayed for a peace inside me

At the end of this day I have cooled my sore throat with water; taken what is necessary for the fever that has invaded my body and will now go to bed.

I leave with this quote: "Do not expect or look for progress. Enjoy the process"

This sums up my life; my new life. It's about the process; about the journey.

Love to all....

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Hashing it out!

And no, I don't mean food! lol

As I draw near to the end of the first quarter of 2008 I'll take a look at what I've done.

  1. lost 12 pounds
  2. kept up with my vitamin intake
  3. cut my coffee consumption in half
  4. written in my journal; not every day but many days
  5. moved my exercise from 15 min to 30 min
  6. increased my water intake from 2 cups to 6 cups
This is what I have not done:
  1. not made the 5 lbs/month challenge (I still have one more week to do this)
  2. not cut out coffee completely
  3. not built my exercise up to 60 min
  4. not increased my water intake to 8 cups
  5. not allowed total forgiveness of myself for not meeting these goals

I know. I can beat myself up pretty good most days. Doesn't seem to matter what I have been able to do I can always focus on what I haven't done. The cycle continues. I feel sad that I've missed my mark; I give up; I try again; I become sad; I give up....over and over again. Talk about an emotional roller coaster.

I've been reading from here
have found this statement to be true (at least for me)

"It is fairly easy to believe in God's love in general but it is very difficult to believe in God's love for me personally. Why me? There are very few people who can really accept themselves, accept acceptance. Indeed, it is rare to meet a person who can cope with the problem "Why me?" Self-acceptance can never be based on my own self, my own qualities. Such a foundation would collapse. Self-acceptance is an act of faith. When God loves me, I must accept myself as well. I cannot be more demanding than God, can I?"

This really spoke to me today. I repeat, " I cannot be more demanding than God, can I?". My head speaks to me of acceptance and of love; my heart (emotions) argues me out of it. The acceptance of myself is utmost.

What I do know:
  • the 12 pounds I've lost are gone for good
  • the increase in water has helped

I continue on my journey. So, once more around the bend I go. Anyone want to come with me??

Saturday, March 22, 2008

A quick post before I head out the door. The day is bright, pretty and down right cold! At -12C with the wind chill making it feel like -22C. Did someone say it's spring? I think not!

Today's Stats:


I'd like to think I know what today will hold but since I have no control over those dear folk around me I can never guess. All I know for sure is me!!

  1. band rehearsal
  2. personal practice and prep time for Sunday
  3. cook and decorate eggs for Sunday's breakfast
  4. finish my shopping
  5. work on an choral arrangement for Monday morning's rehearsal
Exercise: walking

Food: I'll tell you about this next week.

Hope your weekend is filled with many blessings!


Thursday, March 20, 2008

Power Boost!

This is what I need. Perhaps if the days could make up it's mind as to spring, winter, rain or snow...well? I cannot gauge my feelings by the weather. I am at the rudder and helm of my own ship and will steer through any turmoil that comes at me.

Yesterday's post was a downer...I apologize friends but this is my journal...good, bad and yes sometimes depressing. Mostly I feel positive and energized and my writing reflects that. I am not controlled by the weather, my friends or my hormones! It's a full moon by the way!

Back on track? You betcha!!!! This picture was taken last July as I was rehearsing with my daughter at church. I'm in charge and having a blast!

Today: 217.8

  1. slow stretches
  2. STTO#2
  3. lots of water
  4. great food options from today's menu
  5. WALK to work
  1. yoga (30 min)
  2. Scripture and prayer
  3. Journal
  1. restaurant (2hours)
  2. students (1 hour)
  3. church service (1hr)
  4. prep time (1hr)
  5. choir (1.5 hrs)

***I am making my life what I want it to be!

Items in italics have been completed.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Wacky Wednesday!

Mid-week and guess what? It's raining.! Odd to see the rain with so much snow on the ground. This will not deter my day.

I would like to say that I woke with great energy today. Not so. The last couple of nights have been filled with bad dreams and so my rest has been limited. When I have a lot of active dreams I wake feeling often more tired than when I went to bed.

Add to that the fact that I'm unable to follow the "plan" perfectly and I'm left feeling, well, pretty much like I've failed, yet again! I make my plan and follow the plan I make but it's not the "perfect" plan. I don't exercise for a full hour all at once, I'm still drinking coffee, just not as much and I'm still working on drinking all my water. So then I feel, why bother! The cycle begins: if I can't exercise for a full hour than why even try for the 30 min I'm able to do. I'm not drinking 8 glasses of water so why even attempt the 6 that I am drinking. Do you see where I'm heading with this? Failing like this puts me back to bed again, and again, and again.

So friends, for today, I'm heading back to bed until time to go to work. Maybe then I'll feel more like myself and more like tackling this demon one more time.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

When disappointment strikes!

Well it happened...all at once. I gained 8 pounds! Well, not really but don't you just hate the scale? I purchased a nice digital scale and it's 8 pounds heavier than my old one. Since I need to be honest with myself I tossed the old one and, it seems, will start over.

Now, I know I'm not starting over. I can just as easily tack on the 8 pounds to my start weight the 1st of January which then becomes 228. I've still lost 11 pounds. (which also means that I was 234 in July 2006...oh my...much heavier than I thought)


Weight: 217.8

My meals are planned. I've done 30 min of strength training and will do more later. My body is still not ready to do more than that in one sitting. I'm still building up to it. My water is set out so I won't forget to drink it.

Yesterday I walked 1.5 miles. The day was beautiful even if still a bit chilly.

  1. slow stretches
  3. lots of water
  4. great food options from today's menu
  1. yoga (30 min)
  2. Scripture and prayer
  3. Journal
  1. restaurant (2hours)
  2. students (3.5 hours)
  3. church meeting (1hr)
  4. prep time (1hr)
  1. dishes
  2. family room
  3. laundry
Looks like a full day ahead. I'm off to work in about 15 min. Maybe I'll hear the illusive robin today. Hope so!


Saturday, March 15, 2008

When life gets in the way.....

I had such a great plan for Friday. (see previous blog) By mid afternoon everything changed

I woke up with some pain in my neck/top of the shoulder. I worked through it at the restaurant but by the time I came home the pain was pretty much my undoing. I took some pain killers and a muscle relaxant and went to bed. When Nick got home he made a nice hot pad for me which I used off and on for the rest of the evening. A dear friend had massaged the area earlier and found the areas that I need to stretch through. I went to bed early, which is somewhat of a downer for me since Friday night is our date night.

This morning the pain has subsided. It's still here but not so intense. So once more with feeling, here is the day's plan:

  1. slow stretches
  2. walking (that's the extent of what I can do with the level of pain I have right now; once it eases more I may do one of the videos as well)
  3. lots of water
  4. great food options from today's menu
  1. more slow stretches and tai chi/meditation
  2. Scripture and prayer
  3. Journal
  1. restaurant (2hours)
  2. church (if I feel up to it)

That's the day as it stands so far. My weekends tend to be very full and enjoyable. Are you planning some fun today?

Friday, March 14, 2008

Searching for spring

A dear friend mentioned earlier this week that he had seen and heard a robin. What a wonderful thought! The cheery sound, pretty red breast, a sign of hope. For me, not yet! With the snow still high in my backyard and the temps way too cold for my liking, I'm beginning to think spring has decided not to arrive in March!

Moment by moment life goes on, with or without springtime weather!

My current stats:

Weight 209

From Thursday:

Calorie Range: 16 days
Exercise: 0 days
Water: 0 days (still at 6 bottles)
Vitamins: 24 days

My plan:

  1. menu is planned and ready with great food choices
  2. STTO#4
  3. swimming (unsure)
  4. lots of water
  5. stretching: morning yoga/evening tai chi
  1. work at restaurant (2 hours)
  2. practice at church (1 hour)
  3. teach (1 student, 1 hour)
  4. bank deposit
  • quiet time in meditation, reflection
  • date night with Nick

My life is filled with many blessings. How about yours? Have you listed them today?

Til later...

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

If this is Wednesday.... fill in the blanks. Of course it's Wednesday and guess what? It's snowing!!! Almost unbelievable. Making this even more exasperating is the rain that is to come on Thursday. The picture here was taken yesterday from my window at the back deck. You can see my spider plant making a great contrast. Definitely a beautiful day!

Today's Weight: 209 down 1
Calorie Range: 14 days
Exercise: 0 days
Water: 0 days (still at 6 bottles)
Vitamins: 22 days

My plan for today:

  1. restaurant
  2. meeting with colleague
  3. rehearsal tonight
My plan for me:

  • drink lots of water
  • eat according to plan
  • exercise POTP
  • yoga
For my creative me:

  • knit 15 min
  • spin yarn for vest 15 min
  • meditation
By planning and writing things down I am kept accountable. How do you keep yourself accountable to task?

Have a great day!

Monday, March 10, 2008

It's Happy Monday here!

Well that's what I call it at least.

I worked for 2 hours and enjoyed seeing some regular customers and a couple of very dear friends. Had lunch with my boss, who is also a dear friend.

I've done some exercise and have enjoyed some of my water. The day still has lots of opportunities for me.

With the record snow fall passing through and the sun coming out the day has been a much earned break for darkness and storms. This picture was taken in December 2007. We have MORE than that now. Ok...enough already. I'm ready for spring.

This is the beginning of March break so I have no students to teach this week. I will have a couple of rehearsals with my regular choirs though. Not a total week off for me but an abbreviated week.

Adding Saturday and Sunday
Weight: 210

Calorie Range: 12 days
Exercise: 1 days
Water: 0 days (still at 6 bottles)
Vitamins: 20 days

Still moving forward with my goals.


1. work
2. exercise (done)
3. water
4. Richard's chat tonight
5. plan for tomorrow

I'm still...watching and waiting for spring....are there any robins in the house?????

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Snow storms and a migraine

The title basically sums up my day. I've been in and out of bed in attempt to clear my head of the migraine that started last night. I know that once the storms has passed through I'll feel much better.
Weight: 210
from Friday:
Calorie Range: 10 days
Exercise: 0 days (missed Friday)
Water: 0 days (still at 6 bottles)
Vitamins: 18 days

For clarification: the days listed are those in a row; as in, I haven't missed taking my vitamins for 18days!

All for now......

Thursday, March 6, 2008

quick update

I'm heading into the shower, then off to work but wanted to post before I left. We finished with yesterday's snowstorm and have a really big one coming tomorrow. If predictions fall true it will make a record snowfall for the Ottawa area. Aren't we lucky? lol

Today's Weight: 210

from Wednesday:
Calorie Range: 8 days
Exercise: 2 days
Water: 0 days (still at 6 bottles)
Vitamins: 16 days


1. exercise (done)
2. work at restaurant
3. teach (3 students)
4. Jr. Choir
5. Sr. Choir
6. Church prep

Looks like a busy day. Hope you all enjoy the blessings of today!

Love to all

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Another Snow Day and my freedom!

I slept very late this morning. The house was so quiet. I really needed the rest. And yes, we're in the middle of another storm. I spoke with the owner of the restaurant where I work. She said, "stay home". She's not even sure how long she'll stay open.

My Stats:

Today's Weight: 211

from Tuesday:
Calorie Range: 7 days (1516)
Cardio: 1 days
Water: 0 days (still at 6 bottles)
Vitamins: 15 days

One thing I've learned over the last couple of years is just how important it is to feed my creative soul. Part of me needs specific structure; the rest seems to rebel at the whole idea.

My work time-table is somewhat set; my students come a specific times; the rehearsals the same each week; church is the same time each week etc. etc I'm sure you see the picture. None of this is bad it's just the way life is.

The rest of the time is mine and that's where the plan gets blown wide open. Creatively I need to be able to write, knit, and spin a little each day. Perhaps even for just 10 min each. These things I pick up as the spirit moves me.

Some of my musical writing is a little more structured. As in, I have something specific that needs re-worked or harmonized by a certain time. There's creativeness in that kind of work but a time-table rules the completion date. I don't mind as it helps me to get at it. I do procrastinate but often times waiting allows for my dreams and ideas to gel before I sit down at the keyboard to finish a song, or even to start one.

Allowing myself some "unstructured" time gives me a sense of freedom; a feeling of control. I never realized just how important these feelings are to me. (note to self: dig deeper on this)

So my "free" day plans:

2. creative writing
3. yoga and meditation
4. knitting, spinning
5. work on a colour shape for me

6. Rehearsals tonight (x2) If they're not called off due to weather

So my question is this, 1. are you needing to take control of some area in your life? I know there are many in mine. 2. Is the feeling of control as or more important than the actual control?

I think tomorrow I will answer the second quesion.

Enjoy the day, the moment !

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Post Weekend Blues

Well, the weekend went by way too fast and my daughter is now back in her home. I always enjoy our visits. The difficulty comes in saying goodbye.

She and one of her sisters will be back the end of March as her sister is moving in with us for the summer. All are life changing moments; wonderful and filled with anticipation along with some hesitation. There's been a few years since she has lived with us (college campus has been her home) and now she's a young adult with her own ideas and life. As mom the challenge will be to let her just be. There will be time of orientation for both of us but I'm sure a new 'norm will emerge.

I thought I had totally gone off program on the weekend but as I added up my numbers and portions I did really well. My food was balanced and calories in decent ranges (1200-1400) with 6 bottles of water. I just know that 8 bottles are now within easy reach for me.

Stats this morning:

Weight: 211 (no change since Friday!)

Calorie Range: 6 days (1400)
Cardio: 0 days
Water: 0 days (still at 6 bottles)
Vitamins: 14 days

Although there is no cardio listed these numbers show a marked improvement for me. In January my water was perhaps 1/2 of that and although I was taking my vitamins I was not consistent, missing a day here and there. The Calorie range is great for me! I still need to take in more veggies but that too is getting better.

The exercise is the one to battle and I know this battle will be won!

The plan for today: Tone and Blast! (did my morning stretches already)
My water is on the table and ready for me
Meals are planned

I have a busy day ahead:

1. work (2 hours)
2. students (3 1/2 hours)
3. meeting at 9:30 tonight
4. prayer and meditation

I refuse to push through this week to the weekend. One of my biggest goals in life is to NOT live from weekend to weekend but to enjoy each day as it comes.

Do you plan each day? Each hour? Let me know how much you plan.