Hashing it out!

And no, I don't mean food! lol

As I draw near to the end of the first quarter of 2008 I'll take a look at what I've done.

1. lost 12 pounds
2. kept up with my vitamin intake
3. cut my coffee consumption in half
4. written in my journal; not every day but many days
5. moved my exercise from 15 min to 30 min
6. increased my water intake from 2 cups to 6 cups
   

This is what I have not done:

1. not made the 5 lbs/month challenge (I still have one more week to do this)
2. not cut out coffee completely
3. not built my exercise up to 60 min
4. not increased my water intake to 8 cups
5. not allowed total forgiveness of myself for not meeting these goals

I know. I can beat myself up pretty good most days. Doesn't seem to matter what I have been able to do I can always focus on what I haven't done. The cycle continues. I feel sad that I've missed my mark; I give up; I try again; I become sad; I give up....over and over again. Talk about an emotional roller coaster.

I've been reading from here
and
have found this statement to be true (at least for me)

"It is fairly easy to believe in God's love in general but it is very difficult to believe in God's love for me personally. Why me? There are very few people who can really accept themselves, accept acceptance. Indeed, it is rare to meet a person who can cope with the problem "Why me?" Self-acceptance can never be based on my own self, my own qualities. Such a foundation would collapse. Self-acceptance is an act of faith. When God loves me, I must accept myself as well. I cannot be more demanding than God, can I?"

This really spoke to me today. I repeat, " I cannot be more demanding than God, can I?". My head speaks to me of acceptance and of love; my heart (emotions) argues me out of it. The acceptance of myself is utmost.

What I do know:

• the 12 pounds I've lost are gone for good

• the increase in water has helped

I continue on my journey. So, once more around the bend I go. Anyone want to come with me??